Healing from Sexual Assault: The Darkness that goes Unnamed (Plus Reading and Resources)

Written By Daniela Childers

The reasons women come into therapy are numerous: anxiety, depression, difficulty regulating emotions, unresolved grief, life transitions, career concerns, and many more. By the time some clients come into counseling, there may be multiple issues that have snowballed into the present. An issue that often goes overlooked is the trauma of sexual assault. The symptoms that the survivors of sexual assault, rape, and sexual abuse are left behind with are unique to each individual, but there are often common signs such as: numbness and dissociation, a fractured sense of self, fear, and a lack of trust in others, among many more.

Many survivors may also struggle with saying “no” to others and may engage in people-pleasing behaviors. After experiencing—often suppressed in the moment—terror, horror, and helplessness, survivors may lose clarity when it comes to knowing when to speak up in future situations which can lead to being the victim of other forms of abuse and bullying. Every survivor’s experience is unique, but healing always takes time, patience, and support.

One common strategy women use when coping with the overwhelming aftermath of sexual violence is self-isolation. This can be a way for the victim to protect herself while she heals; however, without support, feelings of hopelessness and re-experiencing of the traumatic event are more likely.

self isolating woman with mental health issues

Feeling suicidal and thoughts of ending one’s life are also common, recurring, and often undiscussed symptoms left in the wake of sexual violence. Survivors bear the shame of something so horrible, and oftentimes there is no safe space to discuss what has happened. Survivors of sexual assault may feel shame or confusion that prevents them from speaking up or seeking help. The culture of silence and victim-blaming that is prevalent not only prevents survivors from receiving help, but oftentimes causes further harm to those seeking help—especially when they encounter people who are judgmental, misogynistic, or unsupportive. The culture we are part of is one of the biggest drivers of isolation that survivors seeking peace and healing will encounter. Where there should be support, there is often shame and condemnation.

Sadly, many women do not survive from the aftermath of their assault and ultimately may attempt suicide to escape the overwhelming feelings and accompanying social disasters left behind. Assault does not exist in a vacuum and the drama that surrounds what is an already unforgettably horrible moment, is like a ghost that haunts its victim. Because of the societal nature of this issue, therapy alone is not enough. Social and community support is absolutely critical.

I find it especially important to discuss this because it is not only the story of many of my clients in counseling, but also my own. My time in college included a devastating semester that left me crestfallen, broken, and hopeless. I was 20 when it happened to me. For some, the cruelty and violation occurred during childhood. Knowing your rights and understanding the resources and options available to you is very important. Speaking to a therapist is a powerful place to begin unpacking the pain of the past and figuring out what can help you feel better.

A trauma-informed therapist can help you understand what happened, make sense of the event, and begin to piece together how it has affected your present. A trauma-informed therapist can also help you understand what your options are now for healing, self-protection, and justice. The trauma and violation that occur during a violent assault—which sexual violence is, even if you did not fight back—can leave a lasting imprint on your nervous system that leaves you on edge, hyper-vigilant, afraid, and unable to hold onto happiness. In therapy, survivors can learn skills to soothe their nervous system, regain confidence, and restore their sense of personal agency and peace.

I would love to continue writing on this subject, as there is so much to unpack. In honor of April being Sexual Assault Awareness Month, I am sharing the following resources and will continue to share more in future posts.


Resources:

Although justice for survivors is not always available legally, sometimes it is, and no one has to face the emotional aftermath alone. Recognizing what happened and talking about it with a therapist can be life-changing. The mind has a way of hiding what it does not want to remember, but pain can only stay buried for so long before it overflows. As a therapist, my greatest goal is to help my clients access hope and reconnect with their own inner resources. Trauma can dim your light, and therapy is a place to grieve and find renewed meaning.

Daniela Childers
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